2023 has been such a wonderful year here at Choice. We welcomed two new members onto our staff team! We got to celebrate with you at our picnic, we got to see families find each other. We raised $40,000 for Giving Tuesday!! So much thanks to our community for donating to support birth parents and vulnerable children! We're still aiming for our goal of $50,000 for our 2023 giving campaign, and there's still time to give. (More on that down below!)
To close out 2023, we wanted to share one of our amazing open adoption stories from the last year. Meet Jessika. Jessika is an amazing birth mom that we got to meet this year. Jessika was parenting two kids alone and realized that she needed some options for her family. So she called Choice Adoptions!
I had the chance to interview Jessika and hear her story, and she's been so wonderful to share it with you:
Hannah: Can you give us a snapshot of your life before you had your kids?
Jessika: Back then I was on and off of drugs, didn't know how to stay clean. I was running away...didn't really have a healthy support system with my parents. I was going back and forth between my mom and dad. I got pregnant with Elliott so that forced me to get clean. I had to get housing, support myself so I could support him. And I started going back to school, I graduated, and kinda just started from there.
Hannah: When you were parenting two kids on your own, what challenges were you up against?
Jessika: All of it. I had a newborn and a two-year-old so it was very hard to get out of the house and just be there emotionally for myself. I had to put all my energy into these kids to make sure that they were healthy, they had everything that they needed, and just support them in every way that I could. I was forgetting about myself in the process. I didn't have much support helping me with the kids. I had people in my life who would help with the kids for an hour or so. Yeah, it was helpful for that hour, but it was so hard to get anything done.
Hannah: What led you to choose open adoption?
Jessika: I'm still young. I want to have a career, and I wanted the best possible situation for these kids to grow up in. I wanted them to have a mom and a dad, somewhere it was stable and where they knew that they could lean on them through whatever season of life they were in. They wouldn't have to worry about what I had to deal with growing up where they weren't sure what was going to happen next.
Hannah: When did you realize that adoption was the right decision for you and your family?
Jessika: Maybe a month after I had my second? I was like, "I think I can do it." Then all these health problems were happening with my daughter. She wasn't gaining weight, and I had to be up in the night taking care of her. I felt like I was losing my mind. I couldn't take care of myself. I had no time for me doing all of that alone. I just wanted the best possible situation for the kids, and I knew that I wanted them to stay together, because my son already started bonding with his sister, and I knew this was going to be a big change. I didn't want to confuse him even more with like, "This person was in my life, and now she's not."
Hannah: What was it like to start that process, when you first reached out to Choice?
Jessika: I felt supported. I hadn't mentioned it to my family yet. So it was nice to have someone to support me as I told my family and support me emotionally and physically through the process.
Hannah: What was it like meeting the adoptive family for the first time?
Jessika: I was so nervous! That initial thought, like you're meeting the people that could be raising your kids. It was big. Then I saw them, and I was like, "Okay, they seem perfect already." And in my mind I already knew that I'd pick them. It was nice to get to know them more the first time we met. Then I knew half way through, "This is it. They're the ones. There's no second guessing it. They're going to have these babies."
Hannah: How did you know that they were the ones?
Jessika: I had this gut instinct. Then what really put me over the edge was that I showed their book to Elliott, and he picked them too. I was like, "Okay. He knows. I know." We were working up to the process of where the kids would be with Drew and Christie. We would go through their book together. I would tell him everyday and show him and explain what was going to happen, trying to have a two-year-old understand this. I eased him into it and let him know that he would still have his stuff, it wasn't going to be taken, because it's his.
Hannah: You said it's been really hard. Can you tell me more about that?
Jessika: It's just difficult. It's hard, being like, "These people I don't know are going to be raising my children." Giving that up is hard. I knew what was going on, and he doesn't pay attention a lot. So when we would sit down and talk about it, he'd say "okay" and run off, and I'd be like, "Okay, but we really need to talk about it though." So it was hard to dumb it down for a two-year-old, but we got there eventually. Then he met them and just fell in love with them. Just seeing how happy and relaxed the kids were with them helped me feel better about my choice.
Hannah: When you think about this journey you've been on, what was most helpful to you?
Jessika: Probably you guys still being there throughout the process, especially the grieving process. You guys don't just disappear after I sign the paperwork. Just you guys being there. I was so used to chaos, all the time 24/7. Then it was just quiet, and it was...it was rough.
Hannah: What would you say to someone who is in a similar situation?
Jessika: Do what's best for you and your family and ignore the people who aren't being supportive of you.
Hannah: How did you get to that place where you could choose what was best for you and your family?
Jessika: After I told people, they of course had their opinions. I was like, "It's not up to you guys. It's my life and this is how I'm going to do it, and I'm already being supported by the agency in what I want to do." It was about putting myself first in these decisions, and if people don't like it, that sucks. It's not their life.
Hannah: Is there anything else you'd like people to know about your experience?
Jessika: I'd want birth parents to know that it's okay to grieve. Just go with it. Don't try to fight the grieving because that's just going to make everything worse. Just grieve and let the feelings come as they do. Some days I have good days, other days not so good, but we're getting there.
Huge thank you to Jessika for sharing her incredible story with us! And to everyone in our community who continues to help us provide options for brith parents.
Thanks to your generosity, we raised $40,000 for Giving Tuesday!! Thank you so much for giving to make a difference in the lives of the vulnerable mamas and babies in Oregon and Washington.
Our goal is $50,000, and there is still time to give in 2023! Would you consider choosing Choice Adoptions for your year-end giving? Choice is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, and all donations are tax deductible. Your generosity changes the lives of parents and children in your community.
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